1. Spaghetti alla District 9.

    This is so called because it has lots of prawns in it, and if you eat it, it will make you swear in a comedy South African accent.

    Get your hands on 200g or so of cooked and peeled king prawns, or preferably tiger prawns (not shown because they’re rather pricey). Fresh is best but you can get very nice frozen prawns as well if you must (Gordon Ramsey would have a shit-fit, though). Drain them of excess water. Heat up some olive oil in a frying pan until it’s very hot then bung them in. Drain off any excess  water, then add approx. 1 large glass of red wine, and half a tube of tomato paste, and three to five sliced habanero peppers (including the seeds - this is MOST important), and keep everything well stirred until you get the prawns bathing in a nice gloopy red sauce.

    While you’re doing all this, boil up some (100g) spaghetti. Then when everything’s ready, drain the spaghetti, mix it all up in the pan. Serves one.

    Slight safety notice - be careful not to flip the red stuff into your eyes while eating it. I’ve done that and it CANES.

    Bon appetit. And while you’re eating this, set the ambience with Kreator’s song “Some Pain Will Last." Because it will. Usually on the bog the next day.